Pinoy Action Movie

Ano ba ang Pinoy Action Movie?

Laging umiikot ang istorya sa paghihiganti:

Ni-rape ang kapatid ng bida o pinatay ang kamag-anak nya (nanay,tatay, ate, kuya, kinakapatid,

kabiyak, anak, pinsan, tiyo, tiya, lolo,lola,

ninong, ninang, apo, apo sa tuhod, apo sa

talampakan, ninuno)

Isa sa mga eksena e babastusin sya o syota nya ng

mga nag-iinumang istambay.

Magkakagulo sa isang okasyon (kaarawan, kasal,

binyag, burol)

Hindi nakakaramdam ng sakit ang bida sa bakbakan,

pero sisigaw ito at aaray pag ginagamot na ang mga sugat nya ng isang babae.

Smoker at mabisyo lagi ang kontrabida.

Lagi itong may mga uto-utong tauhan o "mga bata".

At laging naka-jacket kahit tanghaling tapat kadalasan pa ay mga itim na leather jackets.

Ang kuta ng mga kalaban e sa warehouse o malaking bahay, at madalas pa dito na rin nangyayari yung final bakbakan scene.

Lagi ding may eksena sa isang beer house.

May seksing leading lady at may love scene na pwedeng ikwento sa

Abante.

Marunong sa bakbakan ang babae, at kung isang lalake lang naman eh kayang-kaya nitong patumbahin.

Kung ma-co-corner ang bida, hindi ito papatayin,ikukulong lang muna.

Mag-uusap ang bida at ang mortal na kalaban nito habang nag-tutukan ng baril .... mahabang pag-uusap, tila baga mag-syotang nasa telepono.

May malalakas na pagpapasabog kahit na hindi naman kailangan.

Walang malalakas na pagpapasabog kahit na kailangan.

Kahit ano sumasabog pag binaril. Pati puno, sumasabog.

Mura lang ang baril at pwede itong itapon kung wala nang bala.

Makakapulot ang bida ng baril na may bala tuwing kinakailangan.

Marunong at asintado sa baril ang leading lady kahit na hindi pa siya nakakahawak nito sa buong buhay nya.

Kaya ng bida ang dalawampung tao sa bakbakan dahil hindi naman sila sumusugod ng sabay-sabay, laging isa-isa, parang sayaw.

Hindi tinatamaan ng bala ang bida kahit na tatlumpung tao ang bumabaril sa kanya, pero lahat sila tinatamaan nya. Laging sa lupa tumatama ang bala ng kaaway.

Tamaan man sya ng bala ay laging daplis lang ...hindi pwedeng sa ulo o sa puso.

Siyam (9) ang buhay ng bida.

Doble pa nito ang buhay ng leading lady.

Kung mamamatay man ang isa sa kanila eh makakapagsalita pa ito ng isang page ng script bago malagutan ng hininga.

Huli darating ang maraming pulis ... at wala silang pakialam sa bida, kahit na involved ito sa riot!

PELIKULA NGA TALAGA!!!

Additional Conversions

Here are some other useful conversions and units of measure:

# 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
# Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line

# 1024 Microphones = 1 megaphone
# 1024 piccolos = 1 gigolo

# 1024 planes = 1 terraplane
# 3 dents = 1 trident

# 3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent
# 2 x 103 millenaries = 4 seminaries

# ten 5-dollar bills = 1 Millicent
# 1012 antellas = 1 tarantella

# 109 antics = 1 gigantic
# 102 tics = 1 hectic

# 10 aides = 1 decade
# ten 1-mal = 1 decimal

# 2 doctors = 1 paradox
# 100 Senators = Not 1 decision

# 2^3 puss = 1 octopuss
# 10 carts = 1 Descartes

13 x 7 = 28 PROVED!!!

Check #1:
13
x 7
-----
21
+ 7
-----
28


Check #2:

13
---
7 /28
- 7
---
21
- 21
----
0



Check #3:
13
13
13
13
13
13
+ 13
------
28 (3+3+3+3+3+3+3) + (1+1+1+1+1+1+1)


In Check #1, multiply 7 x 3 to get 21. Then multiply 7 x 1 to get 7.
Then add 21 and 7 to get 28.

In Check #2, we check the multiplication problem by dividing one factor into the product.
Divide 7 into 2 but it doesn't go.
So divide 7 into 8 to get 1. Subtract 7 from 28 to get 21.
Now divide 7 into 21 to get 3.
So the answer is 13.

In Check #3, another way to check a multiplication problem is by addition.
To check if 7 x 13 = 28, we add seven 13s together.

Prime Numbers

How they prove that all odd integers higher than 2 are prime?


Mathematician: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, and by induction - every odd integer higher than 2 is a prime.

Physicist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is a prime,...

Engineer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime, 11 is a prime,...

Programmer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 7 is a prime,...

Salesperson: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 -- we'll do for you the best we can,...

Computer Software Salesperson: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 will be prime in the next release,...

Biologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 -- results have not arrived yet,...

Advertiser: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 11 is a prime,...

Lawyer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 -- there is not enough evidence to prove that it is not a prime,...

Accountant: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, deducing 10% tax and 5% other obligations.

Statistician: Let's try several randomly chosen numbers: 17 is a prime, 23 is a prime, 11 is a prime...

Professor: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and the rest are left as an exercise for the student.

Computational linguist: 3 is an odd prime, 5 is an odd prime, 7 is an odd prime, 9 is a very odd prime,...

Psychologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime but tries to suppress it,...

Erotic Number

Q: What is the most erotic number?
A: 2110593!
Q: Why?
A: When 2 are 1 and don't pay at10tion, they'll know within 5 weeks whether or not, after 9 months, they'll be 3.

Ang sariling lengwaheng pinoy

to ang mga tamang kahulugan ng mga
salitang pinoy, Tunay po



BAKA MALIMUTAN NINYO ANG SARILING WIKA...

Abuloy --- bayad sa nahigop na kape at
nanguyang biskwit sa nilamayang
sakla.
Akala ---- alam na alam daw.
Aginaldo - inaasahan na makukuha sa araw
ng Pasko na mas okay sana kung pera
na lang.
Bakasyon - sandaliang pahinga sa
trabahong hingal lang ang pahinga.
Bakit ---- tanong na laging mahirap masagot.
Bakya ---- tsinelas na may takong.
Baga ----- lutuan ng mga hindi makabili
ng microwave.
Bagoong -- masarap na ulam ng mga walang
maiulam.
Baldado -- hindi mamamatay-matay na
mukhang hindi na mabubuhay.
Bale ----- suweldong inutang.
Kaaw ay --- ikli ng 'kaibigan na Inayawan.'
Kababata - dating gelpren na may ibang
boypren.
Kabag ---- utot na naipon sa tiyan.
Kabayo --- hayop na sinasakyan Ng kalesa.
Kalbo ---- gupit ng buhok na korteng itlog.
Dalaginding - dalagang hindi pa
nagsusuot ng bra.
Dilim ---- liwanag na maitim.
E -------- ireng paseksi.
Gahasa --- romansang walang ligawan.
Ginang --- asawa ni ginoo na mukha nang
tsimay.
Ginoo ---- inaasawa ni ginang na may
inaasawang iba.
Gipit ---- kalagayan ng tao na suki na
ng sanglaan.
Ha ------- sagot ng nagbibingi-bingihan .
Halakhak - tawang bukang-buka ang
ngala-ngala.
Handaan -- magdamagan na Palakihan ng tiyan.
Handog --- bigay na laging may kapalit.
Hipo ----- haplos na may malisya.
Hudas ---- tapat na manloloko.
Ibon ----- hayop na lumalangoy sa Hangin.
Imposible - pagtaas ng unano.
Insulto --- walang hiyang biro.
Isda ------ hayop na hindi Nalulunod.
Ita ------- negrong Pinoy.
La -------- ikli ng 'lalalalala' sa
kinakantang hindi maalala.
Lalawigan - syudad ng kahirapan.
Langaw ---- kulisap na bangung-bango sa
amoy ng basura.
Ma - ------- tawag sa gelpren na mukhang
nanay na.
Malusog --- hitsura ng tumatabang balat.
Mama ------ tawag sa sosyal na ina.
Mano ------ kaugaliang Pinoy na
nakapupudpod ng noo.
Mantika --- katas ng piniritong taba.
Maybahay -- asawang utusan sa bahay.
Nakaw ----- pagkuha ng walang pasabing
'akin na lang ito.'
Naku ------ ikli ng 'ina ko, ina na ako.'
Nitso ----- bahay ng mga patay.
Nobya ----- gelpren na laking probinsya.
Ngalngal -- iyak ng walang ipen.
Ngisi ----- tawang tulo-laway.
Ngiti ----- tawang labas ipen.
Paa ------- ba hagi ng katawan na amoy lupa.
Paaralan -- dito itinuturo kung ano,
alin o sino ang mapipiling bobo.
Panata ---- dasal na nakatataba ng tuhod.
Regla ----- masungit na panahon ng
pagkababae.
Sabon ----- mabangong bagay na
ipinapahid sa mabahong katawan.
Sakristan - utusan ng pari.
Sampal ---- haplos na nakatitigas ng mukha.
Ta -------- ikli ng 'tita' o lalaking
may bra.
Tamad ----- taong hindi napapagod sa
pahinga.

Funny stuff only found in the good old
Philippines. ..

* Nakasulat sa pader:
"MARUNONG KA BANG TUMAHOL? ASO LANG ANG
UMIIHI DITO!"

* along a highway in Pampanga:
"WE MAKE MODERN ANTIQUE FURNITURE"

* in a Baguio grocery:
"FRESH FROZEN CHICKEN SOLD HERE"

* in Cubao:
"NONE ID NOTHING ENTRY"

* on a parking lot:
"TAXI AND OUTSIDE CAR NOT ALLOWED"

* along Luneta Boulevard:
"BAWAL TUMAE SA BULEVARD"

* on Jeepney and Bus signs:
"BEFORE PAY, TELL WHERE GET THE ON
BEFORE GET THE OFF"

* on a Flower shop in Rizal Avenue:
"WE SELL ARTIFICIAL FRESH FLOWERS"

* on a delivery truck:
"NOT FOR HERE"

* on window of a restaurant in Baguio:
"WANTED: BOY WAITRESS"

* A grafitti inside the cubicle of a
ladies' C.R. in a
university:
"PLEASE DON'T SIT LIKE A FROG, SIT LIKE
A QUEEN."

* At a men's comfort room, above a urinal:
"HAWAK MO ANG KINABUKASAN NG BAYAN"

* at a construction site in Mandaluyong:
"BAWAL OMEHI DITO. ANG MAHOLI BOG-BOG"

* somewhere along San Andres:
"NO URINATING, ON THE OVER WALLS"

* vacant lot near makati ave.:
"DON'T PARKING"

* at an eatery in Cebu:
"WE HAB SOPDRINK IN CAN AND IN BATOL!

and this is the best of them all!!
* on a building somewhere in the
Philippines. ..
"NOTARY PUBLIC TUMATANGGAP DIN NG LABADA
KUNG LINGGO"

Police Jokes

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.
"No, no, no!", said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

---

GIRL;Sir,could you please take my brother home because he is lost.
POLICEMAN:Why?Can't you take him home yourself.
GIRL:Because I'm lost too.

---

A burgler enters a policeman's house to steal. The wife wakes up and shakes her husband to wake up.
Wife: Look a burgler has come in our house. Catch him and take him to police station.
Husband: Dear, I am not on duty. Sleep now and I will take care of it in the morning.

---

Lady:"i am in the middle of the road, can you tell me how to get to the hospital".
policeman:" just stay where you are and then you will get there anyway".

---

Policeman(to the watchman): Where were you when the labourer was kidnapped.
Watchman: I was on duty
Policeman: Then why didn't you try to save him.
Watchman: Sir, my duty is to keep watch on the building & not on the men of the building

---

Policeman:Stop, stop ,your headlights are not working
The Man:Move, move ,even the brakes are not moving

---

Q)Why is our Delhe Police considered most efficient?
Ans)Because they can tell about a robbery two days in advance

---

Police:[to robber]Are you not ashamed?You come to jail so often?
Robber:[to police]Why should I be sir.You also come here everyday.

---

Man : Officer! There is bomb in my garden !
Officer :Don't worry . If no one claims it within three days , you can keep it.

---

Once there was a man, whose servant didn't remember anything properly.One day in that man's house there was a robbery.
The man told his servant to inform the police that- Last night, the stars were shining,dogs were barking,one thief came and took my master's cow.
The servant went to the police station and said- Last night, the dogs were shining,the stars were barking, one cow came and stole my master's thief.

---

The police sent a set of pictures of a wanted criminal to all stations within 100 kilometres.
The set contained a front shot and two side shots.
A week later they got a fax saying, "We've caught the fellow in the middle but we're still looking for the other two."

---

A police officer was escorting a prisoner to jail when his hat blew off.
"Shall I run and get it for you?" asked the prisoner obligingly.
"Do you think I am a fool" said the officer.
"You stand here and I'll get it."

---

Once a one police-man told another that he should catch the thief.
He returns back.
First police-man asks him whether he had caught the thief or not.
He says "I hadn't caught him but got his finger-prints."
First police-man asks "where?"
He says "on my face."

---

a police was escorting a prisoner to jial when his hat blew off "shall i run and get it for you"asked the prisoner obligingly " do you think i am a fool.you stay here i'll go get it."said the officer

---

Once a girl was running here and there. The guard of the colony was looking at her.
Guard- Why are you running here and there?
Girl- I am running away from my house.
Guard- But you have been running here and there from a lot of time.
Girl- Yes, that's because I am not allowed to get out from my colony.

The Blonde and the Coke Machine

There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda machine and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst. She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she placed on a counter by the machine.

Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change.

She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mello Yello. As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man who had been waiting patiently for several minutes now spoke up.

"Excuse me Ms. but are you done yet?" She looked at him and indignantly replied: "Well Duhhh! I'm still winning"

Obligatory Office Equipment (OOE)

"Keep On Smiling"

Another sensational idea for office equipment!

• Workload getting on you?
• Feeling stressed?
• Too many initiatives "cascading" down?

Here is the new low cost way to cope!

Take 2 paperclips and elastic bands.

Figure 1.


Assemble them as shown in the picture (Figure 2)

Figure 2.

Apply the construction as visualized in Figure 3.


Figure 3.

Enjoy your day.

This obligatory office equipment will help you to reach the end of the day with a smile on your face!

Philippine Transformers

some from pinoyspy

Nung ikaw ay bata… nagawa mo ba to?

Nung ikaw ay bata… nagawa mo ba to?

1. kumakain ka ba ng aratilis?
2. nagpipitpit ng gumamela para gawing soapy bubbles na hihipanmo sa binilog na tanggkay ng walis tingting?
3. pinipilit ka ba matulog ng nanay mo pag hapon at di ka papayagan maglaro pag di ka natulog?
4. marunong ka magpatintero, saksak puso, langit-lupa, teleber-teleber, luk song tinik?
5. malupit ka pag meron kang atari, family computer or nes?
6. alam mo ang silbi ng up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, a, b, a, b, start?
7. may mga damit ka na U.S.E.D., Boy London, Cross Colors, Esprit, Blowing Bubbles at pag nakakakita ka ng Bench na damit eh naalala mo si Richard Gomez?
8. addict ka sa rainbow brite, carebears, my little pony,thundercats, bioman, voltes v, mazinger z, daimos, he-man at marami pang cartoons na hindi pa translated sa tagalog?
9. nanonood ka ng shaider kasi nabobosohan mo si annie at type na type mo ang puting panty nya?
10. marunong ka mag wordstar at nakahawak ka na talaga ng 5.25 na floppy disk?
11. inaabangan mo lagi ang batibot at akala mo magkakatuluyan si kuya bodgie at ate sienna… nung high school ka inaabangan mo lagi beverly hills 90210?
12. gumagamit ka ng AQUANET para pataasin ang bangs mo?
13. meron kang blouse na may padding kung babae ka at meron kang sapatos na mighty kid kung lalake ka?
14. nangongolekta ka ng paper stationaries at mahilig ka magpa pirma sa slumbook mo para lang malaman mo kung sino ang crush ng type mo?
15. kilala mo si manang bola at ang sitsiritsit girls? e si luning-ning at luging-ging?
16. alam mo ibig sab ihin ng time space warp at di mo makakalimutan ang time space warp chant?
17. idol mo si McGyver at nanonood kang perfect strangers?
18. eto malupet… six digits lang ba ang phone number nyo dati?
19. nakakatawag ka pa sa pay phone ng 3 bentesingko lang ang dala?
20. cute pa si aiza seguerra sa eat bulaga at alam mo ang song na “eh kasi bata”?
21. inabutan mo ba na ang Magnolia Chocolait eh nasa glass bottle pa na ginagawang lalagyan ng tubig ng nanay mo sa ref?
22. meron kang pencil case na maraming compartments na pinagyayabang mo sa mga kaklase mo?
23. noon mo pa hinahanap kung saan ang Goya Fun Factory?
24. alam mo lyrics ng “tinapang bangus” at “alagang-alaga namin si puti”?
25. alam mo ang kantang “gloria labandera”.. lumusong sha sa tubig ang paa ay nabasa at ang “1, 2, 3, asawa ni marie”… hehehehehe?
26. sosyal ka pag may play-doh ka at Lego… at nag-iipon ka ng G.I. Joe action figures at iba pa ang mukha ni barbie noon?
27. inabutan mo pa yung singkong korteng bulaklak at yung diyes na square?
28. lumaki kang bobo dahil ang akala mo nangangagat talaga ang alimango sa kantang tong-tong-tong… diba naninipit yun?
29. alam mo yung kwento ng pari na binigyan ng pera yung batang umakyat ng puno para bumili ng panty… and shempre, alam mo rin ba kung ano binigay nya sa nanay nung umakyat ng puno?
30. meron kang kabisadong kanta ni andrew e na alam mo hanggang ngayon.. aminin?
31. laging lampin ang sinasapin sa likod mo pag pinapawisan ka?
32. bumibili ka ng tarzan, texas at bazooka bubble gum… tira-tira, at yung kending bilog na sinawsaw sa asukal?
33. takot ka dumating ang year 1999 dahil sabi nla magugunaw daw ang mundo?

KUNG ALAM MO L AHAT DITO LAGPAS KA NA NG 25 YEARS OLD… KAPAG HALOS LAHAT ALAM MO, NASA 23-25 KA…

WAG KA NA MAG DENY.. TUMAWA KA NA LANG… DIBA .75 CENTAVOS PA LANG PAMASAHE SA JEEP NUN AT MAS MASARAP ANG MELLOW YELLOW KESA MOUNTAIN DEW? HAHAHAHAH

Author: Mike Lopez

Sino ba talaga, mga Kuya?

Isang araw, nag-uusap yung dalawang mag-kaibigan, si Joey at si Mark...
Joey: Alam mo, Mark, talagang napaka-bobo ng boy naming si Pedro.
Mark: Wala 'yan! Sinisiguro ko sa iyo, mas bobo 'yung boy naming si Jose.
Nagtalo silang dalawa...

Joey: O sige, patutunayan ko sa iyo ha. Watch this! PEDRO, 'ALIKA RITO!
Pedro: Yes sir! What can I do to you?
Joey: Eto piso, bumili ka ng apat na case ng beer.
Pedro: Yes boss! Coming up!
Joey: O Mark, bilib ka na ba sa kabobohan niyan, piso-bibili siya ng apat na case ng beer.
Mark: Wala pa rin iyan kay Jose, ikaw naman ang manood...JOSE, 'ALIKA RITO SANDALI!
Jose: Yes Sir! Ano po iyon?
Mark: Pumunta ka sa opisina ko, tingnan mo kung nandoon ako...
Jose: Yes Sir! Pupunta na po ako!
Mark: O Joey, kita mo naman na mas bobo pa iyan kaysa kay Pedro....

Later, nagsalubong yung dalawang boy...
Pedro: Jose, alam mo ang bobo talaga ng amo kong si Sir Joey...
Jose: Wala iyan...mas bobo si Boss Mark ko.
Pedro: Hinde! Mas bobo si Sir Joey, isipin mo, binigyan ako ng piso para bumili ako ng APAT na case ng beer...

e, alam naman niyang HINDI KO KAYA BUHATIN IYON NANG MAG-ISA!
Jose: Mas bobo naman si Boss Mark noh! Pinapupunta pa ako sa opisina niya para tingnan kung nadoon siye...

e, MAY TELEPONO NAMAN!

Filipino Time nga naman

Nahuli si Pedro sa klase...

Titser: Pedro! Late ka na naman!
Perdo: Late po kasi ang relos ko.
Titser: Problema ba iyon? E 'di i-advance mo!
Pedro: Opo.
Titser: O, saan ka pupunta?
Pedro: Mam, uwian na po!

Ano to, Pusa?

Kulas: Miss, isa ngang siopao, 'yung babae.
Waitress: Babaeng siopao?
Kulas: Oo. 'Yung may papel na sapin. Kumbaga, napkin.
Waitress: Ah, ganun po ba? Lalaki po ang nandito.
Kulas: Lalaki?
Waitress: Oho, may itlog po sa loob.

Pag-ibig or Kaibigan?

pedro: pare pinapili ako ng misis ko, pag-ibig daw ba o kaibigan?
juan: so kaya ka nandito ngayon kasi pinili mo kaibigan?
pedro: pare hindi ehh pinili ko pag-ibig...

Learn to Clean Your Own Things xD

may magkumpare nakasakay sa jeep...
pare1: pare ayus yang medyas mo ah...
pare2: bakit?
pare1: tignan mo magkaibang kulay, puti 'yung isa, itim naman 'yung isa.
pare2: oo nga eh, ewan ko ba sa misis ko ang daming biniling ganyan meron pa nga isang pares n'yan sa bahay eh...

Magic Tricks

A magician calls a man up on stage, hands him a mallet and instructs the guy to hit him as hard as possible on the head. The magician then proceeds to put his head down on a wooden block. The man shrugs his shoulders and takes a mighty swing. Three years later, the magician wakes up from a coma in the hospital and goes.... "Taa-Daa!"

More Pinoy Jokes

Babae: Doc, kumusta na ang asawa ko?
Doc: Sorry ma'am. Mula ngayon, ikaw na ang magpapakain at magpapaligo sa
kanya, kasi putol na ang kanyang mga kamay at paa.
Babae: Hah?! Hindi nga?!
Doc: Hehehe! Ninerbyos ka ano? Joke lang! Patay na sya!
============ ========= =====
Amo: Inday, titira dito ang biyenan ko ng 3 buwan. Ito ang listahan ng
mga favorite nyang pagkain.
Maid: Opo, sir.
Amo: Kapag may niluto ka dyan, lagot ka sa akin!
============ ========= =====
Mrs: Naniniwala ka ba na ang babae habang tumatanda ay gumaganda?
Mr: Oo naman.
Mrs: Sa tingin mo, gumaganda ba ako?
Mr: Sa tingin ko, hindi ka tumatanda.
============ ========= =====
Juan: Inay, si Pedro, hindi ako pinagkape sa burol ng tatay nya.
Nanay: Hayaan mo anak, kapag namatay ang tatay mo, hindi rin natin sya
pagkakapehin.
============ ========= =====
Son: Itay, pinagalitan ako ng titser ko!
Dad: Bakit?
Son: Hinalikan ko po ang seatmate ko.
Dad: Tong anak ko, manang mana. Hehehe. Eh, masarap ba?
Son: Opo, pogi po sya eh.
============ ========= =====
Husband: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control
your anger?
Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.
Husband: How does that help?
Wife: I use your toothbrush.
============ ========= =====
Binata: Ale, liligawan ko po ang anak nyo.
Ale: Huwag muna. Nag-aaral pa sya.
Binata: Sige po, kapag uwian na lang nila.
============ ========= =====
Lasing: Hoy! Sinong matapang?! Labas!
Lalake: Ako! Bakit? Lalaban ka?!
Lasing: Pare, ihatid mo naman ako sa bahay, natatakot ako kay misis eh.

Another post by jigzman, thanks for sharing! xD

Movie Titles you should not translate in Tagalog / Filipino

1. Black hawk down - ibong maitim sa ibaba
2. dead man's chest - dodo ng patay
3. i know what you did last summer - uyy... aminin!
4. love, actually - sa totoo lang, pag-ibig
5. million dollar baby - 50 million pisong sanggol (it depends on the exchange rate of the country)
6. the blair witch project - ang proyekto ng bruhang si blair
7. mary poppins - si mariang may putok
8. snakes on a plane - nag-ahasan sa ere
9. the postman always rings twice - ang kartero kapag dumutdot laging dalawang beses
10. sum of all fears - takot mo, takot ko, takot nating lahat
11. swordfish - talakitok
12. pretty woman - ganda ng lola mo
13. robin hood, men in tights - si robin hood at ang mga felix bakat
14. 4 weddings & a funeral - kahit 4 na beses ka pang magpakasal, mamamatay ka rin
15. the good, the bad and the ugly - ako, ikaw, kayong lahat
16. harry potter and the sorcerer's stone - adik si harry, tumira ng shabu
17. click - isang pindot ka lang
18. brokeback mountain - may nawasak sa likod ng bundok ng tralala/bumigay sa bundok
19. the day of the death - ayaw tumayo (ng mga patay)
20. waterworld - basang-basa
21. there's something about mary - may kwan sa ano ni maria
22. employee of the month - ang sipsip
23. resident evil - ang biyenan
24. kill bill - kilitiin sa bilbil
25. the grudge - lintik lang ang walang ganti
26. nightmare before christmas - binangungot sa noche buena
27. annie hall - ang butas ni annie
28. never been kissed - pangit kasi
29. gone in 60 seconds - 1 round, tulog
30. the fast and the furious - ang bitin, galit
31. too fast, too furious - kapag sobrang bitin, sobrang galit
32. dude, where's my car - dong, anong level ulit tayo nag-park?
33. beauty and the beast - ang asawa ko at ang nanay nya
34. the lord of the rings - ang alahero

Thanks to jigzman (kruman) of tantra forums for sharing xD

Sacrifice for Others

May lumulubog na bangka. Kailangan 3 tao ang tumalon sa tubig na punong puno ng mga pating.
Kapitan na HAPON: Kailangan natin na meron mag sacrifice para mabuhay ang mga bata at mga babae dito sa bangka.
INSTIK: Ako talon bangka para sa mga bata. Mabuhay ang China!!!!! Kinain ng mga pating ang Intsik. Patayyy!!!
AMERIKANO: I will die also for the kids and the women. He died also!
PINOY: AKO TATALON DIN ALANG ALANG SA MGA BATA AT MGA BABAE!!!!!!!
Takbo ang Pinoy sabay tulak sa kapitan na hapon. PATAY ANG HAPON.