Ang sariling lengwaheng pinoy

to ang mga tamang kahulugan ng mga
salitang pinoy, Tunay po



BAKA MALIMUTAN NINYO ANG SARILING WIKA...

Abuloy --- bayad sa nahigop na kape at
nanguyang biskwit sa nilamayang
sakla.
Akala ---- alam na alam daw.
Aginaldo - inaasahan na makukuha sa araw
ng Pasko na mas okay sana kung pera
na lang.
Bakasyon - sandaliang pahinga sa
trabahong hingal lang ang pahinga.
Bakit ---- tanong na laging mahirap masagot.
Bakya ---- tsinelas na may takong.
Baga ----- lutuan ng mga hindi makabili
ng microwave.
Bagoong -- masarap na ulam ng mga walang
maiulam.
Baldado -- hindi mamamatay-matay na
mukhang hindi na mabubuhay.
Bale ----- suweldong inutang.
Kaaw ay --- ikli ng 'kaibigan na Inayawan.'
Kababata - dating gelpren na may ibang
boypren.
Kabag ---- utot na naipon sa tiyan.
Kabayo --- hayop na sinasakyan Ng kalesa.
Kalbo ---- gupit ng buhok na korteng itlog.
Dalaginding - dalagang hindi pa
nagsusuot ng bra.
Dilim ---- liwanag na maitim.
E -------- ireng paseksi.
Gahasa --- romansang walang ligawan.
Ginang --- asawa ni ginoo na mukha nang
tsimay.
Ginoo ---- inaasawa ni ginang na may
inaasawang iba.
Gipit ---- kalagayan ng tao na suki na
ng sanglaan.
Ha ------- sagot ng nagbibingi-bingihan .
Halakhak - tawang bukang-buka ang
ngala-ngala.
Handaan -- magdamagan na Palakihan ng tiyan.
Handog --- bigay na laging may kapalit.
Hipo ----- haplos na may malisya.
Hudas ---- tapat na manloloko.
Ibon ----- hayop na lumalangoy sa Hangin.
Imposible - pagtaas ng unano.
Insulto --- walang hiyang biro.
Isda ------ hayop na hindi Nalulunod.
Ita ------- negrong Pinoy.
La -------- ikli ng 'lalalalala' sa
kinakantang hindi maalala.
Lalawigan - syudad ng kahirapan.
Langaw ---- kulisap na bangung-bango sa
amoy ng basura.
Ma - ------- tawag sa gelpren na mukhang
nanay na.
Malusog --- hitsura ng tumatabang balat.
Mama ------ tawag sa sosyal na ina.
Mano ------ kaugaliang Pinoy na
nakapupudpod ng noo.
Mantika --- katas ng piniritong taba.
Maybahay -- asawang utusan sa bahay.
Nakaw ----- pagkuha ng walang pasabing
'akin na lang ito.'
Naku ------ ikli ng 'ina ko, ina na ako.'
Nitso ----- bahay ng mga patay.
Nobya ----- gelpren na laking probinsya.
Ngalngal -- iyak ng walang ipen.
Ngisi ----- tawang tulo-laway.
Ngiti ----- tawang labas ipen.
Paa ------- ba hagi ng katawan na amoy lupa.
Paaralan -- dito itinuturo kung ano,
alin o sino ang mapipiling bobo.
Panata ---- dasal na nakatataba ng tuhod.
Regla ----- masungit na panahon ng
pagkababae.
Sabon ----- mabangong bagay na
ipinapahid sa mabahong katawan.
Sakristan - utusan ng pari.
Sampal ---- haplos na nakatitigas ng mukha.
Ta -------- ikli ng 'tita' o lalaking
may bra.
Tamad ----- taong hindi napapagod sa
pahinga.

Funny stuff only found in the good old
Philippines. ..

* Nakasulat sa pader:
"MARUNONG KA BANG TUMAHOL? ASO LANG ANG
UMIIHI DITO!"

* along a highway in Pampanga:
"WE MAKE MODERN ANTIQUE FURNITURE"

* in a Baguio grocery:
"FRESH FROZEN CHICKEN SOLD HERE"

* in Cubao:
"NONE ID NOTHING ENTRY"

* on a parking lot:
"TAXI AND OUTSIDE CAR NOT ALLOWED"

* along Luneta Boulevard:
"BAWAL TUMAE SA BULEVARD"

* on Jeepney and Bus signs:
"BEFORE PAY, TELL WHERE GET THE ON
BEFORE GET THE OFF"

* on a Flower shop in Rizal Avenue:
"WE SELL ARTIFICIAL FRESH FLOWERS"

* on a delivery truck:
"NOT FOR HERE"

* on window of a restaurant in Baguio:
"WANTED: BOY WAITRESS"

* A grafitti inside the cubicle of a
ladies' C.R. in a
university:
"PLEASE DON'T SIT LIKE A FROG, SIT LIKE
A QUEEN."

* At a men's comfort room, above a urinal:
"HAWAK MO ANG KINABUKASAN NG BAYAN"

* at a construction site in Mandaluyong:
"BAWAL OMEHI DITO. ANG MAHOLI BOG-BOG"

* somewhere along San Andres:
"NO URINATING, ON THE OVER WALLS"

* vacant lot near makati ave.:
"DON'T PARKING"

* at an eatery in Cebu:
"WE HAB SOPDRINK IN CAN AND IN BATOL!

and this is the best of them all!!
* on a building somewhere in the
Philippines. ..
"NOTARY PUBLIC TUMATANGGAP DIN NG LABADA
KUNG LINGGO"

Police Jokes

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.
"No, no, no!", said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

---

GIRL;Sir,could you please take my brother home because he is lost.
POLICEMAN:Why?Can't you take him home yourself.
GIRL:Because I'm lost too.

---

A burgler enters a policeman's house to steal. The wife wakes up and shakes her husband to wake up.
Wife: Look a burgler has come in our house. Catch him and take him to police station.
Husband: Dear, I am not on duty. Sleep now and I will take care of it in the morning.

---

Lady:"i am in the middle of the road, can you tell me how to get to the hospital".
policeman:" just stay where you are and then you will get there anyway".

---

Policeman(to the watchman): Where were you when the labourer was kidnapped.
Watchman: I was on duty
Policeman: Then why didn't you try to save him.
Watchman: Sir, my duty is to keep watch on the building & not on the men of the building

---

Policeman:Stop, stop ,your headlights are not working
The Man:Move, move ,even the brakes are not moving

---

Q)Why is our Delhe Police considered most efficient?
Ans)Because they can tell about a robbery two days in advance

---

Police:[to robber]Are you not ashamed?You come to jail so often?
Robber:[to police]Why should I be sir.You also come here everyday.

---

Man : Officer! There is bomb in my garden !
Officer :Don't worry . If no one claims it within three days , you can keep it.

---

Once there was a man, whose servant didn't remember anything properly.One day in that man's house there was a robbery.
The man told his servant to inform the police that- Last night, the stars were shining,dogs were barking,one thief came and took my master's cow.
The servant went to the police station and said- Last night, the dogs were shining,the stars were barking, one cow came and stole my master's thief.

---

The police sent a set of pictures of a wanted criminal to all stations within 100 kilometres.
The set contained a front shot and two side shots.
A week later they got a fax saying, "We've caught the fellow in the middle but we're still looking for the other two."

---

A police officer was escorting a prisoner to jail when his hat blew off.
"Shall I run and get it for you?" asked the prisoner obligingly.
"Do you think I am a fool" said the officer.
"You stand here and I'll get it."

---

Once a one police-man told another that he should catch the thief.
He returns back.
First police-man asks him whether he had caught the thief or not.
He says "I hadn't caught him but got his finger-prints."
First police-man asks "where?"
He says "on my face."

---

a police was escorting a prisoner to jial when his hat blew off "shall i run and get it for you"asked the prisoner obligingly " do you think i am a fool.you stay here i'll go get it."said the officer

---

Once a girl was running here and there. The guard of the colony was looking at her.
Guard- Why are you running here and there?
Girl- I am running away from my house.
Guard- But you have been running here and there from a lot of time.
Girl- Yes, that's because I am not allowed to get out from my colony.

The Blonde and the Coke Machine

There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda machine and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst. She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she placed on a counter by the machine.

Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change.

She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mello Yello. As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man who had been waiting patiently for several minutes now spoke up.

"Excuse me Ms. but are you done yet?" She looked at him and indignantly replied: "Well Duhhh! I'm still winning"

Obligatory Office Equipment (OOE)

"Keep On Smiling"

Another sensational idea for office equipment!

• Workload getting on you?
• Feeling stressed?
• Too many initiatives "cascading" down?

Here is the new low cost way to cope!

Take 2 paperclips and elastic bands.

Figure 1.


Assemble them as shown in the picture (Figure 2)

Figure 2.

Apply the construction as visualized in Figure 3.


Figure 3.

Enjoy your day.

This obligatory office equipment will help you to reach the end of the day with a smile on your face!

Philippine Transformers

some from pinoyspy

Nung ikaw ay bata… nagawa mo ba to?

Nung ikaw ay bata… nagawa mo ba to?

1. kumakain ka ba ng aratilis?
2. nagpipitpit ng gumamela para gawing soapy bubbles na hihipanmo sa binilog na tanggkay ng walis tingting?
3. pinipilit ka ba matulog ng nanay mo pag hapon at di ka papayagan maglaro pag di ka natulog?
4. marunong ka magpatintero, saksak puso, langit-lupa, teleber-teleber, luk song tinik?
5. malupit ka pag meron kang atari, family computer or nes?
6. alam mo ang silbi ng up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, a, b, a, b, start?
7. may mga damit ka na U.S.E.D., Boy London, Cross Colors, Esprit, Blowing Bubbles at pag nakakakita ka ng Bench na damit eh naalala mo si Richard Gomez?
8. addict ka sa rainbow brite, carebears, my little pony,thundercats, bioman, voltes v, mazinger z, daimos, he-man at marami pang cartoons na hindi pa translated sa tagalog?
9. nanonood ka ng shaider kasi nabobosohan mo si annie at type na type mo ang puting panty nya?
10. marunong ka mag wordstar at nakahawak ka na talaga ng 5.25 na floppy disk?
11. inaabangan mo lagi ang batibot at akala mo magkakatuluyan si kuya bodgie at ate sienna… nung high school ka inaabangan mo lagi beverly hills 90210?
12. gumagamit ka ng AQUANET para pataasin ang bangs mo?
13. meron kang blouse na may padding kung babae ka at meron kang sapatos na mighty kid kung lalake ka?
14. nangongolekta ka ng paper stationaries at mahilig ka magpa pirma sa slumbook mo para lang malaman mo kung sino ang crush ng type mo?
15. kilala mo si manang bola at ang sitsiritsit girls? e si luning-ning at luging-ging?
16. alam mo ibig sab ihin ng time space warp at di mo makakalimutan ang time space warp chant?
17. idol mo si McGyver at nanonood kang perfect strangers?
18. eto malupet… six digits lang ba ang phone number nyo dati?
19. nakakatawag ka pa sa pay phone ng 3 bentesingko lang ang dala?
20. cute pa si aiza seguerra sa eat bulaga at alam mo ang song na “eh kasi bata”?
21. inabutan mo ba na ang Magnolia Chocolait eh nasa glass bottle pa na ginagawang lalagyan ng tubig ng nanay mo sa ref?
22. meron kang pencil case na maraming compartments na pinagyayabang mo sa mga kaklase mo?
23. noon mo pa hinahanap kung saan ang Goya Fun Factory?
24. alam mo lyrics ng “tinapang bangus” at “alagang-alaga namin si puti”?
25. alam mo ang kantang “gloria labandera”.. lumusong sha sa tubig ang paa ay nabasa at ang “1, 2, 3, asawa ni marie”… hehehehehe?
26. sosyal ka pag may play-doh ka at Lego… at nag-iipon ka ng G.I. Joe action figures at iba pa ang mukha ni barbie noon?
27. inabutan mo pa yung singkong korteng bulaklak at yung diyes na square?
28. lumaki kang bobo dahil ang akala mo nangangagat talaga ang alimango sa kantang tong-tong-tong… diba naninipit yun?
29. alam mo yung kwento ng pari na binigyan ng pera yung batang umakyat ng puno para bumili ng panty… and shempre, alam mo rin ba kung ano binigay nya sa nanay nung umakyat ng puno?
30. meron kang kabisadong kanta ni andrew e na alam mo hanggang ngayon.. aminin?
31. laging lampin ang sinasapin sa likod mo pag pinapawisan ka?
32. bumibili ka ng tarzan, texas at bazooka bubble gum… tira-tira, at yung kending bilog na sinawsaw sa asukal?
33. takot ka dumating ang year 1999 dahil sabi nla magugunaw daw ang mundo?

KUNG ALAM MO L AHAT DITO LAGPAS KA NA NG 25 YEARS OLD… KAPAG HALOS LAHAT ALAM MO, NASA 23-25 KA…

WAG KA NA MAG DENY.. TUMAWA KA NA LANG… DIBA .75 CENTAVOS PA LANG PAMASAHE SA JEEP NUN AT MAS MASARAP ANG MELLOW YELLOW KESA MOUNTAIN DEW? HAHAHAHAH

Author: Mike Lopez

Sino ba talaga, mga Kuya?

Isang araw, nag-uusap yung dalawang mag-kaibigan, si Joey at si Mark...
Joey: Alam mo, Mark, talagang napaka-bobo ng boy naming si Pedro.
Mark: Wala 'yan! Sinisiguro ko sa iyo, mas bobo 'yung boy naming si Jose.
Nagtalo silang dalawa...

Joey: O sige, patutunayan ko sa iyo ha. Watch this! PEDRO, 'ALIKA RITO!
Pedro: Yes sir! What can I do to you?
Joey: Eto piso, bumili ka ng apat na case ng beer.
Pedro: Yes boss! Coming up!
Joey: O Mark, bilib ka na ba sa kabobohan niyan, piso-bibili siya ng apat na case ng beer.
Mark: Wala pa rin iyan kay Jose, ikaw naman ang manood...JOSE, 'ALIKA RITO SANDALI!
Jose: Yes Sir! Ano po iyon?
Mark: Pumunta ka sa opisina ko, tingnan mo kung nandoon ako...
Jose: Yes Sir! Pupunta na po ako!
Mark: O Joey, kita mo naman na mas bobo pa iyan kaysa kay Pedro....

Later, nagsalubong yung dalawang boy...
Pedro: Jose, alam mo ang bobo talaga ng amo kong si Sir Joey...
Jose: Wala iyan...mas bobo si Boss Mark ko.
Pedro: Hinde! Mas bobo si Sir Joey, isipin mo, binigyan ako ng piso para bumili ako ng APAT na case ng beer...

e, alam naman niyang HINDI KO KAYA BUHATIN IYON NANG MAG-ISA!
Jose: Mas bobo naman si Boss Mark noh! Pinapupunta pa ako sa opisina niya para tingnan kung nadoon siye...

e, MAY TELEPONO NAMAN!

Filipino Time nga naman

Nahuli si Pedro sa klase...

Titser: Pedro! Late ka na naman!
Perdo: Late po kasi ang relos ko.
Titser: Problema ba iyon? E 'di i-advance mo!
Pedro: Opo.
Titser: O, saan ka pupunta?
Pedro: Mam, uwian na po!

Ano to, Pusa?

Kulas: Miss, isa ngang siopao, 'yung babae.
Waitress: Babaeng siopao?
Kulas: Oo. 'Yung may papel na sapin. Kumbaga, napkin.
Waitress: Ah, ganun po ba? Lalaki po ang nandito.
Kulas: Lalaki?
Waitress: Oho, may itlog po sa loob.

Pag-ibig or Kaibigan?

pedro: pare pinapili ako ng misis ko, pag-ibig daw ba o kaibigan?
juan: so kaya ka nandito ngayon kasi pinili mo kaibigan?
pedro: pare hindi ehh pinili ko pag-ibig...

Learn to Clean Your Own Things xD

may magkumpare nakasakay sa jeep...
pare1: pare ayus yang medyas mo ah...
pare2: bakit?
pare1: tignan mo magkaibang kulay, puti 'yung isa, itim naman 'yung isa.
pare2: oo nga eh, ewan ko ba sa misis ko ang daming biniling ganyan meron pa nga isang pares n'yan sa bahay eh...

Magic Tricks

A magician calls a man up on stage, hands him a mallet and instructs the guy to hit him as hard as possible on the head. The magician then proceeds to put his head down on a wooden block. The man shrugs his shoulders and takes a mighty swing. Three years later, the magician wakes up from a coma in the hospital and goes.... "Taa-Daa!"

More Pinoy Jokes

Babae: Doc, kumusta na ang asawa ko?
Doc: Sorry ma'am. Mula ngayon, ikaw na ang magpapakain at magpapaligo sa
kanya, kasi putol na ang kanyang mga kamay at paa.
Babae: Hah?! Hindi nga?!
Doc: Hehehe! Ninerbyos ka ano? Joke lang! Patay na sya!
============ ========= =====
Amo: Inday, titira dito ang biyenan ko ng 3 buwan. Ito ang listahan ng
mga favorite nyang pagkain.
Maid: Opo, sir.
Amo: Kapag may niluto ka dyan, lagot ka sa akin!
============ ========= =====
Mrs: Naniniwala ka ba na ang babae habang tumatanda ay gumaganda?
Mr: Oo naman.
Mrs: Sa tingin mo, gumaganda ba ako?
Mr: Sa tingin ko, hindi ka tumatanda.
============ ========= =====
Juan: Inay, si Pedro, hindi ako pinagkape sa burol ng tatay nya.
Nanay: Hayaan mo anak, kapag namatay ang tatay mo, hindi rin natin sya
pagkakapehin.
============ ========= =====
Son: Itay, pinagalitan ako ng titser ko!
Dad: Bakit?
Son: Hinalikan ko po ang seatmate ko.
Dad: Tong anak ko, manang mana. Hehehe. Eh, masarap ba?
Son: Opo, pogi po sya eh.
============ ========= =====
Husband: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control
your anger?
Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.
Husband: How does that help?
Wife: I use your toothbrush.
============ ========= =====
Binata: Ale, liligawan ko po ang anak nyo.
Ale: Huwag muna. Nag-aaral pa sya.
Binata: Sige po, kapag uwian na lang nila.
============ ========= =====
Lasing: Hoy! Sinong matapang?! Labas!
Lalake: Ako! Bakit? Lalaban ka?!
Lasing: Pare, ihatid mo naman ako sa bahay, natatakot ako kay misis eh.

Another post by jigzman, thanks for sharing! xD

Movie Titles you should not translate in Tagalog / Filipino

1. Black hawk down - ibong maitim sa ibaba
2. dead man's chest - dodo ng patay
3. i know what you did last summer - uyy... aminin!
4. love, actually - sa totoo lang, pag-ibig
5. million dollar baby - 50 million pisong sanggol (it depends on the exchange rate of the country)
6. the blair witch project - ang proyekto ng bruhang si blair
7. mary poppins - si mariang may putok
8. snakes on a plane - nag-ahasan sa ere
9. the postman always rings twice - ang kartero kapag dumutdot laging dalawang beses
10. sum of all fears - takot mo, takot ko, takot nating lahat
11. swordfish - talakitok
12. pretty woman - ganda ng lola mo
13. robin hood, men in tights - si robin hood at ang mga felix bakat
14. 4 weddings & a funeral - kahit 4 na beses ka pang magpakasal, mamamatay ka rin
15. the good, the bad and the ugly - ako, ikaw, kayong lahat
16. harry potter and the sorcerer's stone - adik si harry, tumira ng shabu
17. click - isang pindot ka lang
18. brokeback mountain - may nawasak sa likod ng bundok ng tralala/bumigay sa bundok
19. the day of the death - ayaw tumayo (ng mga patay)
20. waterworld - basang-basa
21. there's something about mary - may kwan sa ano ni maria
22. employee of the month - ang sipsip
23. resident evil - ang biyenan
24. kill bill - kilitiin sa bilbil
25. the grudge - lintik lang ang walang ganti
26. nightmare before christmas - binangungot sa noche buena
27. annie hall - ang butas ni annie
28. never been kissed - pangit kasi
29. gone in 60 seconds - 1 round, tulog
30. the fast and the furious - ang bitin, galit
31. too fast, too furious - kapag sobrang bitin, sobrang galit
32. dude, where's my car - dong, anong level ulit tayo nag-park?
33. beauty and the beast - ang asawa ko at ang nanay nya
34. the lord of the rings - ang alahero

Thanks to jigzman (kruman) of tantra forums for sharing xD

Sacrifice for Others

May lumulubog na bangka. Kailangan 3 tao ang tumalon sa tubig na punong puno ng mga pating.
Kapitan na HAPON: Kailangan natin na meron mag sacrifice para mabuhay ang mga bata at mga babae dito sa bangka.
INSTIK: Ako talon bangka para sa mga bata. Mabuhay ang China!!!!! Kinain ng mga pating ang Intsik. Patayyy!!!
AMERIKANO: I will die also for the kids and the women. He died also!
PINOY: AKO TATALON DIN ALANG ALANG SA MGA BATA AT MGA BABAE!!!!!!!
Takbo ang Pinoy sabay tulak sa kapitan na hapon. PATAY ANG HAPON.

Media out-of-control

NEWSFLASH!! Policemen saving a woman who appears to be jumping off a building.

Policeman: Bumaba ka dyan maraming nagmamahal sa yo!

Woman: Wag kayo makialam, di ako makapag -send!

How ti Spot a Texter

1. may muscle ang thumb

2. barok magsalita

3. may bangga ang auto

4. laging nakayuko

5. nakasimangot dahil di makasend.

Girlfriend or Cellphone?

Nasa bundok ka,

mahuhulog cell phone mo at girlfriend mo,

anong gagawin mo?

Magpakatotoo ka brother!

Sagipin mo ang cell phone mo at sigaw mo sa girlfriend mo


TEXT NA LANG KITA !!!!!!

Thanks to ninjatsu (tantra forum member) for sharing! xD

Battle Of The Brainless

Pls note, the title is 'Battle of the Brainless'. Now, it is no
longer a battle ... the brainless have won by a landslide.




Host : Ano ang ginagamit na floatation device sa dagat upang hindi
ka malunod?
Clue : starts with the letter S (salbabida) Beep!
Contestant : Sirena?
Host : Hinde! Hindi ito babae. Beep!
Contestant : Siyokoy?
Host : Hindi! Hindi ito lalake. Beep!
Contestant : Siyoke?



H : What is the national tree of the Philippines?
Clue : Starts with the letter "N"
C : Niyog?
H : Mas matigas pa diyan.
C : (In a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!



H : Ano ang total ng 2 + 2?
C : Three!
H : Hinde, mas mataas pa diyan.
C : (In a high pitched voice) Three!



H : Saan binaril si Jose Rizal?
Clue : "B" ang simula (Bagumbayan)
C : Sa back?
H : O sige, pwede rin na ang simula ay "L" (Luneta)
C : Sa likod?
H : Hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, "R.P" and initials ng modern
name niya (Rizal Park)
C : Sa rear part?



H : Saan tayo madalas pumupunta pag summer upang maligo?
Clue : Starts with "B" (Beach)
C : Banyo?
H : Hindi, pag pumunta ka doon, maaarawan ka.
C : Sa bubong?
H : Hindi, marami kang makikita doong mga babaeng naka-bikini.
C : Sa beerhouse?



H : What is the national bird of the Philippines?
Clue : Starts with the letter "M" (Maya)
C : Manok?
H : Hindi, brown ang kulay nito.
C : Piniritong manok?
H : Hindi, nagtatapos sa letter "A"
C : Piniritong manoka?
H : Hindi, mas maliit pa sa manok.
C : Maggie chicken cube?



H : What is the national flower of the Philippines?
Clue : It starts with the letter "S" (Sampaguita)
C : Sunflower?
H : Hindi. Binebenta ito sa kalye.
C : Stork?
H : Hindi. Bulaklak sabi, eh.
C : Sitsarong bulaklak?
H : Hindi pa rin. Ends with the letter "A"
C : Sitsarong bulaklak na may suka?
H : O, para madali, uulitin ko ang clues at dadagdagan ko p
C : pangalan ng bulaklak na nagsisimula sa "S", nagtatapos sa
letrang "A", at kapangalan ito ng isang sikat na singer.
C : Si Sharon Cuneta!



H : Ano ang tawag sa tao na sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw ay nalulunod?
Clue : "L" ang simula ng pangalan niya.
C : Lifebuoy?
H : Hindi, pero kahawing nga ng pangalan ng sabon ang pangalan ng
taong ito.
C : Safeguard?
H : Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot mo.
C : Safe boy?
H : Hindi siya 'boy' at matipuno nga ang kaniyang katawan.
C : Si Mr. Clean!



H : Sino ang kauna-unahang chess grandmaster of Asia?
Clue : Kapangalan niya ang tao ng chess (Eugene Torre)
C : Carole King?
H : Hindi, mas mababa sa King.
C : Al Quinn?
H : Hindi, tagalog ang apelyido niya.
C : Armida Siguion-Reyna?
H : Hindi pa rin. Mas mababa sa reyna.
C : Bishop Bacani?
H : Mas mababa pa sa bishop.
C : Johnny Midnight?
H : Mas mababa pa sa knight.
C : Jerry Pons?
H : O ayan, ha. Nabanggit mo na ang lahat ng piyesa. Yung
kahulihulihang piyesa na lang.
C : Sylvia la Torre?



H : Sino ang national hero na naka-picture sa 500 peso bill?
Clue : Ang initials niya ay N.A. (Ninoy Aquino)
C : Nora Aunor?
H : Hindi, ang last letter ng palayaw niya ay 'Y'
C : Guy Aunor?
H : Hindi, dati siyang senador.
C : Si former Senator Guy Aunor?
H : Hindi, patay na siya.
C : Ano!? Patay na si Nora Aunor!!??

Thanks to mew at tantra forum for sharing... :P

Smart Kid

A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students the teacher asked,”Boy. What is your problem?”

Boy. answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!”

Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy to the principal’s office. While Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed.

Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”

Boy: “9″.

Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”

Boy: “36″.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, “I think Boy can go to the third-grade.”

Ms Neelam says to the principal, “I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him?” The principal and Boy both agree.

Ms Neelam asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?

Boy, after a moment “Legs.”

Ms Neelam: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”

Boy: “Pockets.”

Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy: Coconut

Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky? The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.

Boy: Bubblegum

Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer…

Boy: Shake hands

Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some “Who am I” sort of questions, okay?

Boy: Yep.

Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Boy: Tent

Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first.The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.

Boy: Wedding Ring

Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Boy: Nose

Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Boy: Arrow

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means lot of heat and excitement?

Boy: Firetruck

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ & if u dont get it u have to use ur hand!

Boy: Fork

Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it’s longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn’t use his and a man gives it to his wife after they’re married?

Boy: SURNAME

Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love?

Boy: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, “Send this Boy. to College, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!”

World's Dumbest Hacker

*** Start ***

This is a transcript of the worlds dummest hacker on an IRC channel. The original can be found here: http://www.jellyslab.com/~bteo/hacker.htm

The comments are not mine, they belong to the original poster of the dialogue.

quote:

* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
[bitchchecker] why do you kick me
[bitchchecker] can’t you discus normally
[bitchchecker] answer!
[Elch] we didn’t kick you
[Elch] you had a ping timeout: * bitchchecker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
[bitchchecker] what ping man
[bitchchecker] the timing of my pc is right
[bitchchecker] i even have dst
[bitchchecker] you banned me
[bitchchecker] amit it you son of a bitch
[HopperHunter|afk] LOL
[HopperHunter|afk] shit you’re stupid, DST^^
[bitchchecker] shut your mouth WE HAVE DST!
[bitchchecker] for two weaks already
[bitchchecker] when you start your pc there is a message from windows that DST is applied.
[Elch] You’re a real computer expert
[bitchchecker] shut up i hack you
[Elch] ok, i’m quiet, hope you don’t show us how good a hacker you are ^^
[bitchchecker] tell me your network number man then you’re dead
[Elch] Eh, it’s 129.0.0.1
[Elch] or maybe 127.0.0.1
[Elch] yes exactly that’s it: 127.0.0.1 I’m waiting for you great attack
[bitchchecker] in five minutes your hard drive is deleted
[Elch] Now I’m frightened
[bitchchecker] shut up you’ll be gone
[bitchchecker] i have a program where i enter your ip and you’re dead
[bitchchecker] say goodbye
[Elch] to whom?
[bitchchecker] to you man
[bitchchecker] buy buy
[Elch] I’m shivering thinking about such great Hack0rs like you
* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)

What happened is clear: That guy entered his own IP-Adress in his mighty Hack-Tool and crashed his own PC. This way, the attack on my PC was a failure. I was already starting to think that I did not have to worry, but a good hacker never calls it a day. Two minutes later he returned.

quote:

* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
[bitchchecker] dude be happy my pc crashed otherwise you’d be gone
[Metanot] lol
[Elch] bitchchecker: Then try hacking me again… I still have the same IP: 127.0.0.1
[bitchchecker] you’re so stupid man
[bitchchecker] say buy buy
[Metanot] ah, [Please control your cussing] off
[bitchchecker] buy buy elch
* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)

There was a tension in the room… Would he manage, after these two failures, to crash my PC? I waited. Nothing happened. I felt relieve… Six minutes passed by until he prepared the next wave of attack. Being a Hacker, who usually cracks whole data centers, he knew what his problem was now.

quote:

* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-9ff3c180.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
[bitchchecker] elch you son of a bitch
[Metanot] bitchchecker how old are you?
[Elch] What’s up bitchchecker?
[bitchchecker] you have a frie wal
[bitchchecker] fire wall
[Elch] maybe, i don’t know
[bitchchecker] i’m 26
[Metanot] such behaviour with 26?
[Elch] how did you find out that I have a firewall?
[Metanot] tststs this is not very nice missy
[bitchchecker] because your gay fire wall directed my turn off signal back to me
[bitchchecker] be a man turn that shit off
[Elch] cool, didn’t know this was possible.
[bitchchecker] thn my virus destroys your pc man
[Metanot] are you hacking yourselves?
[Elch] yes bitchchecker is trying to hack me
[Metanot] he bitchchecker if you’re a hacker you have to get around a firewall even i can do that
[bitchchecker] yes man i hack the elch but the sucker has a fire wall the
[Metanot] what firewall do you have?
[bitchchecker] like a girl
[Metanot] firewall is normal a normal hacker has to be able to get past it…you girl^^
[He] Bitch give yourself a jackson and chill you’re letting them provoce you and give those little girls new material all the time
[bitchchecker] turn the firewall off then i send you a virus [Please control your cussing]er
[Elch] Noo
[Metanot] he bitchchecker why turn it off, you should turn it off
[bitchchecker] you’re afraid
[bitchchecker] i don’t wanna hack like this if he hides like a girl behind a fire wall
[bitchchecker] elch turn off your shit wall!
[Metanot] i wanted to say something about this, do you know the definition of hacking??? if he turns of the firewall that’s an invitation and that has nothing to do with hacking
[bitchchecker] shut up
[Metanot] lol
[bitchchecker] my grandma surfs with fire wall
[bitchchecker] and you suckers think you’re cool and don’t dare going into the internet without a fire wall

He calls me girly and says only his grandma would use a firewall. I know that elder people are much more intelligent then younger, but I couldn’t let that rest. To see whether he really is a good hacker I lie and let everything as it is. I don’t have a firewall at all, only my router.

quote:

[Elch] bitchchecker, a collegue showed me how to turn the firewall off. Now you can try again
[Metanot] bitchhacker can’t hack
[Black] nice play on words ^^
[bitchchecker] wort man
[Elch] bitchchecker: I’m still waiting for your attack!
[Metanot] how many times again he is no hacker
[bitchchecker] man do you want a virus
[bitchchecker] tell me your ip and it deletes your hard drive
[Metanot] lol ne give it up i’m a hacker myself and i know how hackers behave and i can tell you 100.00% you’re no hacker..^^
[Elch] 127.0.0.1
[Elch] it’s easy
[bitchchecker] lolololol you so stupid man you’ll be gone
[bitchchecker] and are the first files being deleted
[Elch] mom…
[Elch] i’ll take a look

In panic I started the Windows Explorer, my heart beating faster. Had I under-estimated him?

quote:

[bitchchecker] don’t need to rescue you can’t son of a bitch
[Elch] that’s bad
[bitchchecker] elch you idiout your hard drive g: is deleted
[Elch] yes, there’s nothing i can do about it
[bitchchecker] and in 20 seconds f: is gone

Yes, true, G: and F: were gone. Did I ever have them? Doesn’t matter, I did not have time to think, I was scared. bitchchecker was comforting me with a music tip.

quote:

[bitchchecker] tupac rules
[bitchchecker] elch you son of a bitch your f: is gone and e: too

Drive E:? Oh my god… All the games are there! And the vacation pictures! I instantly take a look. Everything still there. But the hacker said it was deleted….

Or isn’t it happening on my computer?

quote:

[bitchchecker] and d: is at 45% you idiot lolololol
[He] why doesn’t meta say anything
[Elch] he’s probably rolling on the floor laughing
[Black] ^^
[bitchchecker] your d: is gone
[He] go on BITCH

The guy is good: My CD-drive is allegedly deleted! Bitchchecker turned my ancient disk sucker into a burner! But how did he do this? I’ll have to ask him. Some encourage him. He himself is giving advice how to avoid the disaster on my hard drives.

quote:

[bitchchecker] elch man you’re so stupid never give your ip on the internet
[bitchchecker] i’m already at c: 30 percent

Should I tell him he’s not attacking my computer?

quote:

* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-9ff3c180.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)

Too late… It’s 20:22 when we get the last message of our hacker with the alias “bitchchecker”. We see that he has a “Ping timeout”. We haven’t seen him since then… must be the Daylight Saving Time.

*** End ***