Movie Titles you should not translate in Tagalog / Filipino

1. Black hawk down - ibong maitim sa ibaba
2. dead man's chest - dodo ng patay
3. i know what you did last summer - uyy... aminin!
4. love, actually - sa totoo lang, pag-ibig
5. million dollar baby - 50 million pisong sanggol (it depends on the exchange rate of the country)
6. the blair witch project - ang proyekto ng bruhang si blair
7. mary poppins - si mariang may putok
8. snakes on a plane - nag-ahasan sa ere
9. the postman always rings twice - ang kartero kapag dumutdot laging dalawang beses
10. sum of all fears - takot mo, takot ko, takot nating lahat
11. swordfish - talakitok
12. pretty woman - ganda ng lola mo
13. robin hood, men in tights - si robin hood at ang mga felix bakat
14. 4 weddings & a funeral - kahit 4 na beses ka pang magpakasal, mamamatay ka rin
15. the good, the bad and the ugly - ako, ikaw, kayong lahat
16. harry potter and the sorcerer's stone - adik si harry, tumira ng shabu
17. click - isang pindot ka lang
18. brokeback mountain - may nawasak sa likod ng bundok ng tralala/bumigay sa bundok
19. the day of the death - ayaw tumayo (ng mga patay)
20. waterworld - basang-basa
21. there's something about mary - may kwan sa ano ni maria
22. employee of the month - ang sipsip
23. resident evil - ang biyenan
24. kill bill - kilitiin sa bilbil
25. the grudge - lintik lang ang walang ganti
26. nightmare before christmas - binangungot sa noche buena
27. annie hall - ang butas ni annie
28. never been kissed - pangit kasi
29. gone in 60 seconds - 1 round, tulog
30. the fast and the furious - ang bitin, galit
31. too fast, too furious - kapag sobrang bitin, sobrang galit
32. dude, where's my car - dong, anong level ulit tayo nag-park?
33. beauty and the beast - ang asawa ko at ang nanay nya
34. the lord of the rings - ang alahero

Thanks to jigzman (kruman) of tantra forums for sharing xD

Sacrifice for Others

May lumulubog na bangka. Kailangan 3 tao ang tumalon sa tubig na punong puno ng mga pating.
Kapitan na HAPON: Kailangan natin na meron mag sacrifice para mabuhay ang mga bata at mga babae dito sa bangka.
INSTIK: Ako talon bangka para sa mga bata. Mabuhay ang China!!!!! Kinain ng mga pating ang Intsik. Patayyy!!!
AMERIKANO: I will die also for the kids and the women. He died also!
PINOY: AKO TATALON DIN ALANG ALANG SA MGA BATA AT MGA BABAE!!!!!!!
Takbo ang Pinoy sabay tulak sa kapitan na hapon. PATAY ANG HAPON.

Media out-of-control

NEWSFLASH!! Policemen saving a woman who appears to be jumping off a building.

Policeman: Bumaba ka dyan maraming nagmamahal sa yo!

Woman: Wag kayo makialam, di ako makapag -send!

How ti Spot a Texter

1. may muscle ang thumb

2. barok magsalita

3. may bangga ang auto

4. laging nakayuko

5. nakasimangot dahil di makasend.

Girlfriend or Cellphone?

Nasa bundok ka,

mahuhulog cell phone mo at girlfriend mo,

anong gagawin mo?

Magpakatotoo ka brother!

Sagipin mo ang cell phone mo at sigaw mo sa girlfriend mo


TEXT NA LANG KITA !!!!!!

Thanks to ninjatsu (tantra forum member) for sharing! xD

Battle Of The Brainless

Pls note, the title is 'Battle of the Brainless'. Now, it is no
longer a battle ... the brainless have won by a landslide.




Host : Ano ang ginagamit na floatation device sa dagat upang hindi
ka malunod?
Clue : starts with the letter S (salbabida) Beep!
Contestant : Sirena?
Host : Hinde! Hindi ito babae. Beep!
Contestant : Siyokoy?
Host : Hindi! Hindi ito lalake. Beep!
Contestant : Siyoke?



H : What is the national tree of the Philippines?
Clue : Starts with the letter "N"
C : Niyog?
H : Mas matigas pa diyan.
C : (In a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!



H : Ano ang total ng 2 + 2?
C : Three!
H : Hinde, mas mataas pa diyan.
C : (In a high pitched voice) Three!



H : Saan binaril si Jose Rizal?
Clue : "B" ang simula (Bagumbayan)
C : Sa back?
H : O sige, pwede rin na ang simula ay "L" (Luneta)
C : Sa likod?
H : Hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, "R.P" and initials ng modern
name niya (Rizal Park)
C : Sa rear part?



H : Saan tayo madalas pumupunta pag summer upang maligo?
Clue : Starts with "B" (Beach)
C : Banyo?
H : Hindi, pag pumunta ka doon, maaarawan ka.
C : Sa bubong?
H : Hindi, marami kang makikita doong mga babaeng naka-bikini.
C : Sa beerhouse?



H : What is the national bird of the Philippines?
Clue : Starts with the letter "M" (Maya)
C : Manok?
H : Hindi, brown ang kulay nito.
C : Piniritong manok?
H : Hindi, nagtatapos sa letter "A"
C : Piniritong manoka?
H : Hindi, mas maliit pa sa manok.
C : Maggie chicken cube?



H : What is the national flower of the Philippines?
Clue : It starts with the letter "S" (Sampaguita)
C : Sunflower?
H : Hindi. Binebenta ito sa kalye.
C : Stork?
H : Hindi. Bulaklak sabi, eh.
C : Sitsarong bulaklak?
H : Hindi pa rin. Ends with the letter "A"
C : Sitsarong bulaklak na may suka?
H : O, para madali, uulitin ko ang clues at dadagdagan ko p
C : pangalan ng bulaklak na nagsisimula sa "S", nagtatapos sa
letrang "A", at kapangalan ito ng isang sikat na singer.
C : Si Sharon Cuneta!



H : Ano ang tawag sa tao na sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw ay nalulunod?
Clue : "L" ang simula ng pangalan niya.
C : Lifebuoy?
H : Hindi, pero kahawing nga ng pangalan ng sabon ang pangalan ng
taong ito.
C : Safeguard?
H : Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot mo.
C : Safe boy?
H : Hindi siya 'boy' at matipuno nga ang kaniyang katawan.
C : Si Mr. Clean!



H : Sino ang kauna-unahang chess grandmaster of Asia?
Clue : Kapangalan niya ang tao ng chess (Eugene Torre)
C : Carole King?
H : Hindi, mas mababa sa King.
C : Al Quinn?
H : Hindi, tagalog ang apelyido niya.
C : Armida Siguion-Reyna?
H : Hindi pa rin. Mas mababa sa reyna.
C : Bishop Bacani?
H : Mas mababa pa sa bishop.
C : Johnny Midnight?
H : Mas mababa pa sa knight.
C : Jerry Pons?
H : O ayan, ha. Nabanggit mo na ang lahat ng piyesa. Yung
kahulihulihang piyesa na lang.
C : Sylvia la Torre?



H : Sino ang national hero na naka-picture sa 500 peso bill?
Clue : Ang initials niya ay N.A. (Ninoy Aquino)
C : Nora Aunor?
H : Hindi, ang last letter ng palayaw niya ay 'Y'
C : Guy Aunor?
H : Hindi, dati siyang senador.
C : Si former Senator Guy Aunor?
H : Hindi, patay na siya.
C : Ano!? Patay na si Nora Aunor!!??

Thanks to mew at tantra forum for sharing... :P

Smart Kid

A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students the teacher asked,”Boy. What is your problem?”

Boy. answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!”

Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy to the principal’s office. While Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed.

Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”

Boy: “9″.

Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”

Boy: “36″.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, “I think Boy can go to the third-grade.”

Ms Neelam says to the principal, “I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him?” The principal and Boy both agree.

Ms Neelam asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?

Boy, after a moment “Legs.”

Ms Neelam: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”

Boy: “Pockets.”

Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy: Coconut

Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky? The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.

Boy: Bubblegum

Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer…

Boy: Shake hands

Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some “Who am I” sort of questions, okay?

Boy: Yep.

Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Boy: Tent

Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first.The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.

Boy: Wedding Ring

Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Boy: Nose

Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Boy: Arrow

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means lot of heat and excitement?

Boy: Firetruck

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ & if u dont get it u have to use ur hand!

Boy: Fork

Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it’s longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn’t use his and a man gives it to his wife after they’re married?

Boy: SURNAME

Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love?

Boy: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, “Send this Boy. to College, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!”

World's Dumbest Hacker

*** Start ***

This is a transcript of the worlds dummest hacker on an IRC channel. The original can be found here: http://www.jellyslab.com/~bteo/hacker.htm

The comments are not mine, they belong to the original poster of the dialogue.

quote:

* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
[bitchchecker] why do you kick me
[bitchchecker] can’t you discus normally
[bitchchecker] answer!
[Elch] we didn’t kick you
[Elch] you had a ping timeout: * bitchchecker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
[bitchchecker] what ping man
[bitchchecker] the timing of my pc is right
[bitchchecker] i even have dst
[bitchchecker] you banned me
[bitchchecker] amit it you son of a bitch
[HopperHunter|afk] LOL
[HopperHunter|afk] shit you’re stupid, DST^^
[bitchchecker] shut your mouth WE HAVE DST!
[bitchchecker] for two weaks already
[bitchchecker] when you start your pc there is a message from windows that DST is applied.
[Elch] You’re a real computer expert
[bitchchecker] shut up i hack you
[Elch] ok, i’m quiet, hope you don’t show us how good a hacker you are ^^
[bitchchecker] tell me your network number man then you’re dead
[Elch] Eh, it’s 129.0.0.1
[Elch] or maybe 127.0.0.1
[Elch] yes exactly that’s it: 127.0.0.1 I’m waiting for you great attack
[bitchchecker] in five minutes your hard drive is deleted
[Elch] Now I’m frightened
[bitchchecker] shut up you’ll be gone
[bitchchecker] i have a program where i enter your ip and you’re dead
[bitchchecker] say goodbye
[Elch] to whom?
[bitchchecker] to you man
[bitchchecker] buy buy
[Elch] I’m shivering thinking about such great Hack0rs like you
* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)

What happened is clear: That guy entered his own IP-Adress in his mighty Hack-Tool and crashed his own PC. This way, the attack on my PC was a failure. I was already starting to think that I did not have to worry, but a good hacker never calls it a day. Two minutes later he returned.

quote:

* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
[bitchchecker] dude be happy my pc crashed otherwise you’d be gone
[Metanot] lol
[Elch] bitchchecker: Then try hacking me again… I still have the same IP: 127.0.0.1
[bitchchecker] you’re so stupid man
[bitchchecker] say buy buy
[Metanot] ah, [Please control your cussing] off
[bitchchecker] buy buy elch
* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)

There was a tension in the room… Would he manage, after these two failures, to crash my PC? I waited. Nothing happened. I felt relieve… Six minutes passed by until he prepared the next wave of attack. Being a Hacker, who usually cracks whole data centers, he knew what his problem was now.

quote:

* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-9ff3c180.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
[bitchchecker] elch you son of a bitch
[Metanot] bitchchecker how old are you?
[Elch] What’s up bitchchecker?
[bitchchecker] you have a frie wal
[bitchchecker] fire wall
[Elch] maybe, i don’t know
[bitchchecker] i’m 26
[Metanot] such behaviour with 26?
[Elch] how did you find out that I have a firewall?
[Metanot] tststs this is not very nice missy
[bitchchecker] because your gay fire wall directed my turn off signal back to me
[bitchchecker] be a man turn that shit off
[Elch] cool, didn’t know this was possible.
[bitchchecker] thn my virus destroys your pc man
[Metanot] are you hacking yourselves?
[Elch] yes bitchchecker is trying to hack me
[Metanot] he bitchchecker if you’re a hacker you have to get around a firewall even i can do that
[bitchchecker] yes man i hack the elch but the sucker has a fire wall the
[Metanot] what firewall do you have?
[bitchchecker] like a girl
[Metanot] firewall is normal a normal hacker has to be able to get past it…you girl^^
[He] Bitch give yourself a jackson and chill you’re letting them provoce you and give those little girls new material all the time
[bitchchecker] turn the firewall off then i send you a virus [Please control your cussing]er
[Elch] Noo
[Metanot] he bitchchecker why turn it off, you should turn it off
[bitchchecker] you’re afraid
[bitchchecker] i don’t wanna hack like this if he hides like a girl behind a fire wall
[bitchchecker] elch turn off your shit wall!
[Metanot] i wanted to say something about this, do you know the definition of hacking??? if he turns of the firewall that’s an invitation and that has nothing to do with hacking
[bitchchecker] shut up
[Metanot] lol
[bitchchecker] my grandma surfs with fire wall
[bitchchecker] and you suckers think you’re cool and don’t dare going into the internet without a fire wall

He calls me girly and says only his grandma would use a firewall. I know that elder people are much more intelligent then younger, but I couldn’t let that rest. To see whether he really is a good hacker I lie and let everything as it is. I don’t have a firewall at all, only my router.

quote:

[Elch] bitchchecker, a collegue showed me how to turn the firewall off. Now you can try again
[Metanot] bitchhacker can’t hack
[Black] nice play on words ^^
[bitchchecker] wort man
[Elch] bitchchecker: I’m still waiting for your attack!
[Metanot] how many times again he is no hacker
[bitchchecker] man do you want a virus
[bitchchecker] tell me your ip and it deletes your hard drive
[Metanot] lol ne give it up i’m a hacker myself and i know how hackers behave and i can tell you 100.00% you’re no hacker..^^
[Elch] 127.0.0.1
[Elch] it’s easy
[bitchchecker] lolololol you so stupid man you’ll be gone
[bitchchecker] and are the first files being deleted
[Elch] mom…
[Elch] i’ll take a look

In panic I started the Windows Explorer, my heart beating faster. Had I under-estimated him?

quote:

[bitchchecker] don’t need to rescue you can’t son of a bitch
[Elch] that’s bad
[bitchchecker] elch you idiout your hard drive g: is deleted
[Elch] yes, there’s nothing i can do about it
[bitchchecker] and in 20 seconds f: is gone

Yes, true, G: and F: were gone. Did I ever have them? Doesn’t matter, I did not have time to think, I was scared. bitchchecker was comforting me with a music tip.

quote:

[bitchchecker] tupac rules
[bitchchecker] elch you son of a bitch your f: is gone and e: too

Drive E:? Oh my god… All the games are there! And the vacation pictures! I instantly take a look. Everything still there. But the hacker said it was deleted….

Or isn’t it happening on my computer?

quote:

[bitchchecker] and d: is at 45% you idiot lolololol
[He] why doesn’t meta say anything
[Elch] he’s probably rolling on the floor laughing
[Black] ^^
[bitchchecker] your d: is gone
[He] go on BITCH

The guy is good: My CD-drive is allegedly deleted! Bitchchecker turned my ancient disk sucker into a burner! But how did he do this? I’ll have to ask him. Some encourage him. He himself is giving advice how to avoid the disaster on my hard drives.

quote:

[bitchchecker] elch man you’re so stupid never give your ip on the internet
[bitchchecker] i’m already at c: 30 percent

Should I tell him he’s not attacking my computer?

quote:

* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-9ff3c180.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)

Too late… It’s 20:22 when we get the last message of our hacker with the alias “bitchchecker”. We see that he has a “Ping timeout”. We haven’t seen him since then… must be the Daylight Saving Time.

*** End ***