Pinoy Action Movie

Ano ba ang Pinoy Action Movie?

Laging umiikot ang istorya sa paghihiganti:

Ni-rape ang kapatid ng bida o pinatay ang kamag-anak nya (nanay,tatay, ate, kuya, kinakapatid,

kabiyak, anak, pinsan, tiyo, tiya, lolo,lola,

ninong, ninang, apo, apo sa tuhod, apo sa

talampakan, ninuno)

Isa sa mga eksena e babastusin sya o syota nya ng

mga nag-iinumang istambay.

Magkakagulo sa isang okasyon (kaarawan, kasal,

binyag, burol)

Hindi nakakaramdam ng sakit ang bida sa bakbakan,

pero sisigaw ito at aaray pag ginagamot na ang mga sugat nya ng isang babae.

Smoker at mabisyo lagi ang kontrabida.

Lagi itong may mga uto-utong tauhan o "mga bata".

At laging naka-jacket kahit tanghaling tapat kadalasan pa ay mga itim na leather jackets.

Ang kuta ng mga kalaban e sa warehouse o malaking bahay, at madalas pa dito na rin nangyayari yung final bakbakan scene.

Lagi ding may eksena sa isang beer house.

May seksing leading lady at may love scene na pwedeng ikwento sa

Abante.

Marunong sa bakbakan ang babae, at kung isang lalake lang naman eh kayang-kaya nitong patumbahin.

Kung ma-co-corner ang bida, hindi ito papatayin,ikukulong lang muna.

Mag-uusap ang bida at ang mortal na kalaban nito habang nag-tutukan ng baril .... mahabang pag-uusap, tila baga mag-syotang nasa telepono.

May malalakas na pagpapasabog kahit na hindi naman kailangan.

Walang malalakas na pagpapasabog kahit na kailangan.

Kahit ano sumasabog pag binaril. Pati puno, sumasabog.

Mura lang ang baril at pwede itong itapon kung wala nang bala.

Makakapulot ang bida ng baril na may bala tuwing kinakailangan.

Marunong at asintado sa baril ang leading lady kahit na hindi pa siya nakakahawak nito sa buong buhay nya.

Kaya ng bida ang dalawampung tao sa bakbakan dahil hindi naman sila sumusugod ng sabay-sabay, laging isa-isa, parang sayaw.

Hindi tinatamaan ng bala ang bida kahit na tatlumpung tao ang bumabaril sa kanya, pero lahat sila tinatamaan nya. Laging sa lupa tumatama ang bala ng kaaway.

Tamaan man sya ng bala ay laging daplis lang ...hindi pwedeng sa ulo o sa puso.

Siyam (9) ang buhay ng bida.

Doble pa nito ang buhay ng leading lady.

Kung mamamatay man ang isa sa kanila eh makakapagsalita pa ito ng isang page ng script bago malagutan ng hininga.

Huli darating ang maraming pulis ... at wala silang pakialam sa bida, kahit na involved ito sa riot!

PELIKULA NGA TALAGA!!!

Additional Conversions

Here are some other useful conversions and units of measure:

# 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
# Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line

# 1024 Microphones = 1 megaphone
# 1024 piccolos = 1 gigolo

# 1024 planes = 1 terraplane
# 3 dents = 1 trident

# 3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent
# 2 x 103 millenaries = 4 seminaries

# ten 5-dollar bills = 1 Millicent
# 1012 antellas = 1 tarantella

# 109 antics = 1 gigantic
# 102 tics = 1 hectic

# 10 aides = 1 decade
# ten 1-mal = 1 decimal

# 2 doctors = 1 paradox
# 100 Senators = Not 1 decision

# 2^3 puss = 1 octopuss
# 10 carts = 1 Descartes

13 x 7 = 28 PROVED!!!

Check #1:
13
x 7
-----
21
+ 7
-----
28


Check #2:

13
---
7 /28
- 7
---
21
- 21
----
0



Check #3:
13
13
13
13
13
13
+ 13
------
28 (3+3+3+3+3+3+3) + (1+1+1+1+1+1+1)


In Check #1, multiply 7 x 3 to get 21. Then multiply 7 x 1 to get 7.
Then add 21 and 7 to get 28.

In Check #2, we check the multiplication problem by dividing one factor into the product.
Divide 7 into 2 but it doesn't go.
So divide 7 into 8 to get 1. Subtract 7 from 28 to get 21.
Now divide 7 into 21 to get 3.
So the answer is 13.

In Check #3, another way to check a multiplication problem is by addition.
To check if 7 x 13 = 28, we add seven 13s together.

Prime Numbers

How they prove that all odd integers higher than 2 are prime?


Mathematician: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, and by induction - every odd integer higher than 2 is a prime.

Physicist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is a prime,...

Engineer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime, 11 is a prime,...

Programmer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 7 is a prime,...

Salesperson: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 -- we'll do for you the best we can,...

Computer Software Salesperson: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 will be prime in the next release,...

Biologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 -- results have not arrived yet,...

Advertiser: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 11 is a prime,...

Lawyer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 -- there is not enough evidence to prove that it is not a prime,...

Accountant: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, deducing 10% tax and 5% other obligations.

Statistician: Let's try several randomly chosen numbers: 17 is a prime, 23 is a prime, 11 is a prime...

Professor: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and the rest are left as an exercise for the student.

Computational linguist: 3 is an odd prime, 5 is an odd prime, 7 is an odd prime, 9 is a very odd prime,...

Psychologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime but tries to suppress it,...

Erotic Number

Q: What is the most erotic number?
A: 2110593!
Q: Why?
A: When 2 are 1 and don't pay at10tion, they'll know within 5 weeks whether or not, after 9 months, they'll be 3.

Ang sariling lengwaheng pinoy

to ang mga tamang kahulugan ng mga
salitang pinoy, Tunay po



BAKA MALIMUTAN NINYO ANG SARILING WIKA...

Abuloy --- bayad sa nahigop na kape at
nanguyang biskwit sa nilamayang
sakla.
Akala ---- alam na alam daw.
Aginaldo - inaasahan na makukuha sa araw
ng Pasko na mas okay sana kung pera
na lang.
Bakasyon - sandaliang pahinga sa
trabahong hingal lang ang pahinga.
Bakit ---- tanong na laging mahirap masagot.
Bakya ---- tsinelas na may takong.
Baga ----- lutuan ng mga hindi makabili
ng microwave.
Bagoong -- masarap na ulam ng mga walang
maiulam.
Baldado -- hindi mamamatay-matay na
mukhang hindi na mabubuhay.
Bale ----- suweldong inutang.
Kaaw ay --- ikli ng 'kaibigan na Inayawan.'
Kababata - dating gelpren na may ibang
boypren.
Kabag ---- utot na naipon sa tiyan.
Kabayo --- hayop na sinasakyan Ng kalesa.
Kalbo ---- gupit ng buhok na korteng itlog.
Dalaginding - dalagang hindi pa
nagsusuot ng bra.
Dilim ---- liwanag na maitim.
E -------- ireng paseksi.
Gahasa --- romansang walang ligawan.
Ginang --- asawa ni ginoo na mukha nang
tsimay.
Ginoo ---- inaasawa ni ginang na may
inaasawang iba.
Gipit ---- kalagayan ng tao na suki na
ng sanglaan.
Ha ------- sagot ng nagbibingi-bingihan .
Halakhak - tawang bukang-buka ang
ngala-ngala.
Handaan -- magdamagan na Palakihan ng tiyan.
Handog --- bigay na laging may kapalit.
Hipo ----- haplos na may malisya.
Hudas ---- tapat na manloloko.
Ibon ----- hayop na lumalangoy sa Hangin.
Imposible - pagtaas ng unano.
Insulto --- walang hiyang biro.
Isda ------ hayop na hindi Nalulunod.
Ita ------- negrong Pinoy.
La -------- ikli ng 'lalalalala' sa
kinakantang hindi maalala.
Lalawigan - syudad ng kahirapan.
Langaw ---- kulisap na bangung-bango sa
amoy ng basura.
Ma - ------- tawag sa gelpren na mukhang
nanay na.
Malusog --- hitsura ng tumatabang balat.
Mama ------ tawag sa sosyal na ina.
Mano ------ kaugaliang Pinoy na
nakapupudpod ng noo.
Mantika --- katas ng piniritong taba.
Maybahay -- asawang utusan sa bahay.
Nakaw ----- pagkuha ng walang pasabing
'akin na lang ito.'
Naku ------ ikli ng 'ina ko, ina na ako.'
Nitso ----- bahay ng mga patay.
Nobya ----- gelpren na laking probinsya.
Ngalngal -- iyak ng walang ipen.
Ngisi ----- tawang tulo-laway.
Ngiti ----- tawang labas ipen.
Paa ------- ba hagi ng katawan na amoy lupa.
Paaralan -- dito itinuturo kung ano,
alin o sino ang mapipiling bobo.
Panata ---- dasal na nakatataba ng tuhod.
Regla ----- masungit na panahon ng
pagkababae.
Sabon ----- mabangong bagay na
ipinapahid sa mabahong katawan.
Sakristan - utusan ng pari.
Sampal ---- haplos na nakatitigas ng mukha.
Ta -------- ikli ng 'tita' o lalaking
may bra.
Tamad ----- taong hindi napapagod sa
pahinga.

Funny stuff only found in the good old
Philippines. ..

* Nakasulat sa pader:
"MARUNONG KA BANG TUMAHOL? ASO LANG ANG
UMIIHI DITO!"

* along a highway in Pampanga:
"WE MAKE MODERN ANTIQUE FURNITURE"

* in a Baguio grocery:
"FRESH FROZEN CHICKEN SOLD HERE"

* in Cubao:
"NONE ID NOTHING ENTRY"

* on a parking lot:
"TAXI AND OUTSIDE CAR NOT ALLOWED"

* along Luneta Boulevard:
"BAWAL TUMAE SA BULEVARD"

* on Jeepney and Bus signs:
"BEFORE PAY, TELL WHERE GET THE ON
BEFORE GET THE OFF"

* on a Flower shop in Rizal Avenue:
"WE SELL ARTIFICIAL FRESH FLOWERS"

* on a delivery truck:
"NOT FOR HERE"

* on window of a restaurant in Baguio:
"WANTED: BOY WAITRESS"

* A grafitti inside the cubicle of a
ladies' C.R. in a
university:
"PLEASE DON'T SIT LIKE A FROG, SIT LIKE
A QUEEN."

* At a men's comfort room, above a urinal:
"HAWAK MO ANG KINABUKASAN NG BAYAN"

* at a construction site in Mandaluyong:
"BAWAL OMEHI DITO. ANG MAHOLI BOG-BOG"

* somewhere along San Andres:
"NO URINATING, ON THE OVER WALLS"

* vacant lot near makati ave.:
"DON'T PARKING"

* at an eatery in Cebu:
"WE HAB SOPDRINK IN CAN AND IN BATOL!

and this is the best of them all!!
* on a building somewhere in the
Philippines. ..
"NOTARY PUBLIC TUMATANGGAP DIN NG LABADA
KUNG LINGGO"

Police Jokes

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.
"No, no, no!", said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

---

GIRL;Sir,could you please take my brother home because he is lost.
POLICEMAN:Why?Can't you take him home yourself.
GIRL:Because I'm lost too.

---

A burgler enters a policeman's house to steal. The wife wakes up and shakes her husband to wake up.
Wife: Look a burgler has come in our house. Catch him and take him to police station.
Husband: Dear, I am not on duty. Sleep now and I will take care of it in the morning.

---

Lady:"i am in the middle of the road, can you tell me how to get to the hospital".
policeman:" just stay where you are and then you will get there anyway".

---

Policeman(to the watchman): Where were you when the labourer was kidnapped.
Watchman: I was on duty
Policeman: Then why didn't you try to save him.
Watchman: Sir, my duty is to keep watch on the building & not on the men of the building

---

Policeman:Stop, stop ,your headlights are not working
The Man:Move, move ,even the brakes are not moving

---

Q)Why is our Delhe Police considered most efficient?
Ans)Because they can tell about a robbery two days in advance

---

Police:[to robber]Are you not ashamed?You come to jail so often?
Robber:[to police]Why should I be sir.You also come here everyday.

---

Man : Officer! There is bomb in my garden !
Officer :Don't worry . If no one claims it within three days , you can keep it.

---

Once there was a man, whose servant didn't remember anything properly.One day in that man's house there was a robbery.
The man told his servant to inform the police that- Last night, the stars were shining,dogs were barking,one thief came and took my master's cow.
The servant went to the police station and said- Last night, the dogs were shining,the stars were barking, one cow came and stole my master's thief.

---

The police sent a set of pictures of a wanted criminal to all stations within 100 kilometres.
The set contained a front shot and two side shots.
A week later they got a fax saying, "We've caught the fellow in the middle but we're still looking for the other two."

---

A police officer was escorting a prisoner to jail when his hat blew off.
"Shall I run and get it for you?" asked the prisoner obligingly.
"Do you think I am a fool" said the officer.
"You stand here and I'll get it."

---

Once a one police-man told another that he should catch the thief.
He returns back.
First police-man asks him whether he had caught the thief or not.
He says "I hadn't caught him but got his finger-prints."
First police-man asks "where?"
He says "on my face."

---

a police was escorting a prisoner to jial when his hat blew off "shall i run and get it for you"asked the prisoner obligingly " do you think i am a fool.you stay here i'll go get it."said the officer

---

Once a girl was running here and there. The guard of the colony was looking at her.
Guard- Why are you running here and there?
Girl- I am running away from my house.
Guard- But you have been running here and there from a lot of time.
Girl- Yes, that's because I am not allowed to get out from my colony.

The Blonde and the Coke Machine

There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda machine and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst. She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she placed on a counter by the machine.

Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change.

She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mello Yello. As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man who had been waiting patiently for several minutes now spoke up.

"Excuse me Ms. but are you done yet?" She looked at him and indignantly replied: "Well Duhhh! I'm still winning"